A very red faced Kevin Lloyd to Robert Swayze, Collingwood’s newly appointed integrity commissioner:
“Sir I suggest your report shows a complete lack of integrity.”
Dale West to no one in particular:
“I am not going to be a part to this circus”. Then proceeds to put on the red nose, bald ginger wig, size 20 shoes and jumps in the clown car with the other 4 members of council and drives off down Hurontario St with doors, hood and trunk flying off in different directions.
Mike Edwards to the rest of council:
“I see no problem in receiving this report. What exactly is the problem here?”
Mayor Cooper mumbling to herself:
“How was I supposed to vote again”.
Rick Lloyd peeping through the crack in the door of council chambers:
“Psst Sandra you vote against the motion to receive the report”.
Ian Chadwick pontificating to the whole world:
“Blah Blah Blah ……. It behooves us as an elected body ……….. Blah Blah ………. post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy in this report …….. Blah ……… Politically motivated by a select few, unhappy about decisions this council has made”.
Robert Swayze addressing the council:
“How can a lawyer offer a legal opinion on this matter when they haven’t even had a discussion with me either in person or on the phone”.
Mayor Cooper to the people in the gallery:
“Can I have some order please, I demand that members of the public show respect for this council chamber”. (Even though herself and her voting bloc show zero respect for her office, her constituents or the council chamber she is sitting in).
Joe Gardhouse to the rest of the council:
“We have already received Mr. Shaw’s report and it is in the minutes of this council meeting. If we do not receive Mr. Swayze’s report it will look rather stupid”. (Why oh why Joe did you not just run for council again?)
Keith Hull to the rest of council:
“We hired an integrity commissioner and refuse to accept his first report because we don’t like what he says. Do any of you see the irony in this?”
Town hall janitor in the reception area outside council chamber. Bubble above his head:
“How come this guy in the bad suit is always hanging around out here peeking through the crack in the door”.
Sandy Cunningham to the rest of council:
“I have absolutely nothing of relevance or importance to add to this conversation but I support my good friend Rick Lloyd”.
Paul Brian New Enterprise Bulletin reporter:
“What the f**k have I got myself into here”.
Robert Swayze in his car on the way home talking to his wife on the phone:
“You know that new client I got up in Collingwood? Well it turns out they don’t actually want me to investigate anything and write reports. They just want to pay me a retainer each month”.