Steel Town: Dispatch #1


For crimes against grammar, punctuation and spelling in this blog, I have been banished to Hamilton for the immediate future. So I will be away from God’s country a few days a week. But as you may have noticed on Tuesday, I barely missed a beat. Apparently I can write complete crap wherever I am in the world. As an added bonus to my loyal readers, I will be doing an occasional dispatch from Steel Town. Funnily enough I already have a couple of pretty good stories to tell:
I needed some groceries Tuesday so I asked around and someone recommended a place called Lococo’s Market because it is cheap, which is my kind of grocery store. So after a bit of driving in circles (in Hamilton what seems to be north is south and vis-a-versa) eventually I found the place. I walked in and it was like suddenly being transferred into the third world. I was looking around in amazement at these massive chunks of beef, Christmas hamper size value packs of bone-in chicken thighs and boxes of burgers big enough to feed an army. In my wondrous state I nearly walked into a couple of guys who looked like they were “gang banger’s” for the Mexican drug cartel, complete with tear drop tattoos and those truck driver wallets with chains that hang down past their knees.‎ I apologized profusely and hurried off hoping I would not be in for a “bitch slapping” out in the parking lot. Some of you think we have some rough folk around Collingwood. Come to downtown Stoney Creek my friends, Mathew Way is like Pleasantville in comparison.
My next adventure was Wednesday morning, I pulled up at a red light and my phone rang. I did as we all do when this happens, answered it to tell the person that I am driving in unknown territory and would call back when I wasn’t. A squeegee guy complete with bucket and one those window washer things tapped on my window. I shook my head and waved him away. I then noticed that he was holding something against my window that looked very much like a police badge with “Hamilton Police” on it. That definitely got my attention. So after 10 minutes of my protestations to this Rummie/One of Hamilton’s Finest, pleading that I was only answering the phone to be polite to tell the person I couldn’t talk. I drove away with a newly minted $280 ticket for “Driving while using a hand-held communication device”. As per usual I ended up finding a way to look at the bright side of all this. I figured it out that I have been talking on my phone at will in my car for around six years, since this stupid law came into effect, so it’s cost me around 12 cents per day, well worth it in my mind. As an added bonus, that stupid cop has to stand on that street corner all day looking like a complete loser. There is a God in heaven after all.
I went for a run along Hamilton Beach Trail that same evening. One thing Hamilton has that Collingwood doesn’t is (take note of this Collingwood Town Council) ‎WATERFRONT RESTAURANTS. One place looked particularly nice, they were playing some kind of mashed up samba music. If you could ignore the smell of the water at the western end of Lake Ontario, which has a pungent odour that smells like a mixture of diesel and outhouse. You could almost imagine you were down in the Caribbean somewhere.
That’s about it for now people. I have lots more strange and wonderful tales to tell, but they will have to wait for another day.

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4 thoughts on “Steel Town: Dispatch #1

  1. Did he at least clean your windshield?

    I suspect in the past you have typed entire blog posts while driving. Its the only possible explanation for the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes.

  2. The Hamilton police should come to Collingwood, they would make a fortune on people driving while using hand held devices……I have almost been hit three times since January and all three times I was in a school zone and the people who almost got me were talking on cell phones (one was actually texting.)

    • Hi Susan, for once in the lifespan of this blog I have to disagree with you. Although most of us do it and few admit to it, texting and driving is wrong and should be prosecuted. Talking on the phone and driving is no more distracting than, eating, drinking coffee, changing the radio station or adjusting the cars climate controls. This ticket last Wednesday was nothing more than a cash grab and this cop was being a tax collector. I must think that there are better uses for police services than performing “sting” operations against unsuspecting drivers at traffic lights. This is another example why people are losing more and more respect for the police.

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