1. People who make a big show about picking up their dogs waste, then as soon as no one is looking dump it further along the trail. Making an even more unsightly and permanent mess than the original dog shit was. (I bet Chadwick does this).
2. The guy in the 2015 Range Rover Evoque who arrived at the car wash at exactly the same time that I did and sat nose to nose with me doing the Collingwood version of a Mexican stand off. After about a minute which seemed like an hour, I finally decided to be the bigger person and backed up. The fellow then quickly drove forward and started to enter his code.
The following is how the conversation went:
VFAN: “A wave of thanks would have been nice”.
Very important person in Range Rover (VIPIRR): “F**k off”
VFAN: “You think because you drive a Range Rover you are more important than the rest of us”.
VIPIRR: “F**k you asshole”
By this time I was ready for my first punch up since my brother and I destroyed a pizza parlor in West Berlin 30 years ago. I started to get out of my van but VIPIRR was too quick for me and hastily drove into the car wash. A younger version of VFAN would have been waiting for VIPIRR at the other end of the wash, and as he went through the dryer, would have been pulling expensive bits of trim and windshield wipers from his newly washed Evoque.
3. Walkers and runners (probably from Toronto) whom as you pass them on the Georgian Trail, do their level best to avoid eye contact so as not to have to bother saying a polite “Hi”. A quick reminder for our out of town visitors, you are in God’s country, we are friendly and like to engage in the small pleasantries of life. If you don’t like that, do your exercise in the Don Valley.
4. On a similar vein, those chisel featured, Adonis like, God’s on their $5,000 carbon fiber framed Cervelo’s. Who are way too self-absorbed to give us lesser mortals a wave or a nod on the road as they zoom by at 50 kph. (For some strange reason they are usually wearing lime green and black cycling gear).
5. The lady in full make up dressed to kill at the nine items or less line up at Loblaw’s that is ten deep on a Saturday afternoon. She has 12 items and pays with a debit card that gets rejected. Then pays with a credit card and forgot the pin number. At this point I am ready to pay for her groceries myself, just to get rid of her.
6. The ticket machines at King’s Cross station, in which half are out of order and the particular one that I need to use, after waiting 10 minutes in line, decides to take the persons money and not issue a train ticket.
7. After a 15 mile hike through rough terrain, including bogs, river beds, ankle breaking rocks, endless inclines and declines. I learn that my bed and breakfast is another 2 miles the other side of town, up a 45 degree incline and across various farmers fields.
8. Then after the drama of the above, I discover my $75 per night room is a converted broom closet in an attic, with beams in the ceiling just high enough to continually wack my head on.
9. People who comment anonymously on this blog calling themselves Ricky with an email address of firstname.lastname@example.org.
10.An owner of a chip wagon along the Pennine Way who at 11.20 am decided to close up shop and wouldn’t sell a couple of thirsty hungry hikers a cup of tea and a sandwich. (His hours of operation were posted as 4 am till noon but his excuse was it is a Friday).
11. A particularly annoying habit of people who serve you around the city of Leeds in England. When you ask “Can I have a couple of pints of your best bitter please?” They say in a thick Yorkshire accent “Of course you can”. For some reason this started to grate on me like nails on a chalk board.
12. Buses around London, England, that do not take cash money any longer. They only accept this thing called an “Oyster Card”. This unlikely situation is probably unknown to most visitors, you have to buy this thing from a convenience store. I guarantee endless amounts of tourists, like myself, get on a bus and are greeted with a blank stare when you try and pay the bus driver with actual cash.