Are you suffering from H.D.S.?


Overview:
HDS is the abbreviated name for “Harper Derangement Syndrome”. A psychological disorder that seems to be affecting close to 60% of the population of Canada at present. Lately it has been more prevalent in the general populace around federal elections. When no elections are happening the disorder seems to only manifest itself around upmarket coffee shops and eating establishments in the downtown cores of Canada’s larger cities. A milder form of this disease was first discovered in the late 1990’s early 2000’s but it was only found in the province of Ontario. It was called MHDS (Mike Harris Derangement Syndrome). This disorder still appears to this day, usually when someone criticizes the incumbent Wynne and previous McGuinty provincial governments, those affected will usually wail “That’s Mike Harris’s fault” even though the object of the persons derision has been out of politics for 13 years.

Symptoms:
You can usually tell if someone has a chronic case of HDS by just casually mentioning to them that you intend to vote conservative in the upcoming federal election. The persons eyes will start to bulge, face will turn the colour of beets, hands will tremble uncontrollably and they will either scream in a high pitched voice “Stop Harper” or in other cases “Heave Steve”. They will then start to babble incoherently blaming the current prime minister for everything bad that has ever happened to humanity from the “Black Death” in the middle ages to World War 2 to 9/11. Another trigger mechanism is when a person spends too much time watching CBC News and to a lesser extent CTV News. Also too much reading of the political commentary of the Toronto Star (colloquially known as Pravda North) will very often bring on severe attacks of HDS.

Treatment:
Although this is a serious condition, in milder cases (around 60%) this disorder can be completely cured by the patient only being allowed to watch certain programs on CBC. Coronation Street or the Murdoch Mysteries are quite acceptable. Power and Politics or anything featuring David Suzuki must be avoided at all costs. In more severe cases the patient has to be strapped to a chair and made to watch Ezra Levant or anything on Rebel Media for a 24 hour period. Another course of treatment is the prescription of any book by the author Mark Steyn to be read for 20 minutes every night before sleep.

Overview:
Treatment of this disorder has had limited effect on retired school teachers, sixty-something hippies who wear Birkenstock’s with grey woolen socks and tie dyed tee shirts, or members of the federal or provincial public services. Sometimes the only way to treat some sufferers is for them to go through 10 years of a socialist or progressive government. The problem with this “letting the disease run its course”, is your country ends up being called Greece, with everyone taking from the pot and no one contributing. So the cure ends up being worse than the disease.

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4 thoughts on “Are you suffering from H.D.S.?

  1. To many people seem to be blaming Harper for the loss of jobs here in Ontario when we really should be upset with what McGuinty and Wynne have done to us over the last 10+ years. If we get the Federal Liberals in power after this election, the rest of the country will end up with huge deficits like Ontario and suffer similar problems. I can just imagine Wynne and her sidekicks smiling with a renewed sense of empowerment standing side by side with Trudeau both reaching into our pockets to spend our money on Toronto.

  2. Another often encountered symptom is when an individual repeatedly drones on “Time for a change” (TFAC). Unfortunately when asked why the response is the infamous “because”.
    Many people are like sheep and will insist it is time for a change simply because that is the term heard over and over in the media and the pollsters. Change is good only when the change is positive. For those displaying the TFAC syndrome, be careful what you wish for.

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